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Disclaimer: I am not a medical doctor or phycologist. What follows is the result of my own personal experience. It is not intended to be medical or psychological advice. I am just sharing honestly and in all humility what has helped me in the hope that it might help even just one of you, if only a little. Please take what resonates, and let go of the rest.
Also, please know that this will be a long read, which is why I have decided to divide the whole into multiple posts.
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It’s six-thirty in the morning. I just made a mug of my usual hot water and lemon, though this time I felt the need for some honey, too, which usually never happens. It may be for a sense of comfort, as I just woke up from a dream that triggered a mini panic attack.
Luckily this was a mini, and by now I know what to do. I have learned to not deny it. Actually, I find that it is important to at least try to be in it and observe, ask it what it is, what it is trying to tell me, and then trust what comes up. I have been through enough of these, and I recognized what this was right away. But I am beyond done with letting these energies wreak havoc in my body as they pass through, so….
I now state out loud the intention that these energies be rerouted away from my body and sent straight to source to be transmuted into love, light and blessings, for me and for everyone. I have the support of my team (guides, angels, ascended masters etc.) of course, for whom I am profoundly grateful. I am also beginning to remember and acknowledge how powerful I really am, and how it all stems from my own intention and statement. This remembrance is still fairly recent, and sometimes it takes a moment to bring it forward to consciousness and give it the space it deserves.
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I had no idea where to start writing this post, but here it is. I am starting from the here and now, and how to deal with panic attacks, which I have been experiencing, in bigger or smaller strength, on and off for the past 15 years.
The dream had, apparently, nothing to do with me. I was just being the observer in some normal and peaceful situation. But somehow, as I came out of it and came awake, the emotion transferred to me, connecting to and dislodging some of the profound grief I still hold over the recent loss of my two dogs. Anything like this also reaches in and connects to all the many losses and separations we have experienced through all the many, many lives we have lived on this planet, and maybe beyond. Especially those of us who are old, ancient souls have been through a lot. If the number that comes to mind is in the thousands, you wouldn’t be wrong.
I got out of bed like a flash, started moving around like a wild creature, making the above mentioned statement. Then I drank some water, and sprayed myself and the room with some wonderful mists I have recently acquired that are proving to be such a blessing. I went downstairs to the kitchen to boil water. All of these actions plus the statement cleared most of the energy and grounded me. Through all this upheaval, I knew I had my starting point. I knew I would be writing to you.
Like I said, this was an easy one. Something similar had happened about 10 days ago, again coming out of a dream that seemed to be so innocent, but at the last minute carried emotional charge which transferred to me upon waking. Now I know that this is a safe way for me to release residues of stuff: I am not affected during the dream (thank goodness), and it can be released fairly painlessly and quickly once awake, as I am now reasonably experienced. Doesn’t make it anymore fun, though.
FYI: my dreamtime is very vivid and very active, and I do a lot of dreamtime work. I have for years. I often say that my dreamtime is more interesting than my day time. The places I go to and the situations I find myself in during my dreamtime often leave me scratching my head when I wake up in the morning.
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It has not always been this quick and easy, though, as when the energy charge is big, as it dislodges and cames up, it causes a big shake up. Kind of like with the planet and earthquakes. The most recent of the big ones was about… wait, I can tell you exactly: Tuesday, February 7, in the middle of the night, of course. The energy going through me was so intense that it sent my body into haywire. Usually, the haywire would happen, then sooner or later subside for good.
This time, It just kept coming back in waves, and it didn’t seem to want to stop. I would begin to feel relief, then a moment later it would build up again. I started to fear it would never end, and I really thought I might actually die. I was so scared I almost called the paramedics, even if deep down I knew what it was.
I texted a friend in Italy instead, and blessedly she got back to me right away, and she texted and voice-mailed me through it via WhatsApp. She is the one who instructed me to get colored pencils and a paper pad and start doodling, coloring, as the act of holding a pencil in my hand and letting whatever flow out of it, would also release this energy in a very physical way. And it worked! My body started calming down and all the wild symptoms I thought might kill me, disappeared completely.
A little side note: a few years ago, during a bad panic attack, a friend and neighbor did indeed call the paramedics (I was too distressed to find the strength to stop her) and I did end up at the emergency room. The good thing was that I got a basic overall (bloodwork, EKG etc.) that told me I was fine. The down side was that it cost me almost $7,000.
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Why do these potent energies wreak such havoc on our physical bodies? In short – and I’m no scientist, this is just what I have learned and experienced over the years on my own skin: because we are electrical beings, and these energies affect our nervous/electric system (which is blue, by the way). Once that is affected, everything is affected, usually and especially our “weak points” – which is where our long term traumas are usually stored and which are personal to each of us. In my case, my digestive system, mostly my gut and stomach. Then the heart & circulatory system are affected because, well, the heart is the center of it all and the blood goes everywhere, doesn’t it. Essentially it’s my lower chakras (energy centers) that are affected, plus the heart chakra because it’s in the middle between where we are and where we want to be, and holds it all together. This is just coming to me now as I type, by the way.
My throat chakra is usually involved as well, as it connects to the sacral one and is associated with the voice and self expression. Most of us, through the traumas held in the lower chakras, also learn to shut down our voice, to go silent, become invisible. It is a safety and survival response from old that still gets triggered today, even when it logically does not make sense.
So coloring helped, a lot; along with crying, and I mean bawling out loud. And one more thing: humming, toning or singing, especially with low notes as the vibration carries down into the stomach and is very soothing. Had I been home alone and not risked scaring my roommate more than I already had, I would have shouted, barked and shrieked at the top of my voice. That is so liberating if you can do it, even when not having a panic attack.
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This February episode was possibly the worse one of several I have had throughout the past 15-16 years: some mild, some really scary and intense, always at night, usually in the middle of it, which is when we feel more vulnerable and the distractions of the day are not there to, well, distract us. Not always, but often enough, over the years, I have had friends who would stay with me – either in person, or via WhatsApp, until the episode had passed. And these were not just good friends, but also people who knew how to see and perceive energies (so highly intuitive or psychic) and who also knew what to do due to their own personal experience and/or training. I consider myself blessed in many ways, and definitely with my friendships. This kind of help, if you can access it, is one of the most important ones.
Where do panic attacks come from, what are they? I don’t know what a licensed psychologist might say, but this is what I have figured through my own experience. They are two things: the main one is energy – usually from those deep and old traumas that are being released. Because we are here, on this Earth in a physical body and have chosen this experience, they are by necessity processed through said physical body. Usually because they were too intense, these traumas went unresolved and shoved under the rug whenever they happened, and are now coming up for release.
The second one is fear, which is also an energy of course, and mostly stems from those same unresolved and unreleased traumas, but it’s a step further. It’s the fear and desperation that I might not ever come out of the spin cycle of muck and be able to sustain myself into the free life I am yearning for. That I (or we, as I am sure I’m not the only one) would not be able to be there for myself, to be able to change the circumstances that seemed to keep me bogged down into where I did not want to be. And I’m not talking about a physical location. I’m talking about that mental/emotional space that is the result of our childhood imprinting, plus all the afore mentioned past life traumas and experiences piled on top, whatever all that might be for each of us. It’s the stuff that we take with us no matter where we go or how far we run. Despite the differences between all of us, this is often quite similar, as most of us find ourselves dealing with shame, guilt, fear, lack, loss, grief and all that fun stuff. I personally do not know anyone who is not dealing with one or more of these, in some version or other.
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It has been such a part of the human experience that I cannot imagine anyone has escaped it, not entirely anyway. I do indeed know people who have chosen not to deal with the shadow self in this lifetime, and whose chosen role is a different one. Thus, they seem to coast through life, not without loss or pain or problems, but reasonably smoothly, without having to deal with this much havoc. Maybe they already dealt with most of it the previous time, or maybe they will in the next round. The reasons and choices behind why we are here this time around are as personal and as varied as there are beings on Earth. They tell us we are about 7 billion, so, there you go.
Why now? Why all this shadow work now for me and for so many of us, especially those known as light workers? Because that shift, that New Earth, that upgrade that so many are talking about is really happening. It is actually here. And it is an inside job.
Low vibration cannot co-exist with the state of love and of lightness that we are moving into. It can, but it’s like oil and water, it won’t mix. Like a glass full of water with mud at the bottom, as you pour in fresh water to clear it, first the mud gets stirred up until it is all flushed out; until finally only fresh, clean water remains. Likewise, so much light (from the sun, from source, from our galactic selves) is pouring onto this Earth plane that all the darkness is being stirred up to be released until only light will remain. That will be wonderful and I am looking forward to that immensely. In the meantime, the process it’s quite the mess.
That darkness, that shadow is both personal and collective (and some of it is bad beyond belief). I have learned that each one of us, who have chosen to face and release our shadow and clear ourselves in this incarnation, are required to do just that: clear and release our traumas and make space for more of our true (higher) Self to imbue us. However, sometimes we are also affected by the collective shadow, as it is humongous, and we find ourselves helping with the release of that, too – most times unconsciously. This is also part of what we came here to do, this release. It’s my main mission, and that of those who I know are going through a similar experience. All the rest are trimmings.
Some of us have already completed it, some of us are just completing it now, some of us are in the middle or just starting out and feeling lost and wondering what the heck is going on. I know that feeling very well.
If you are still reading, I trust that it’s because you are no stranger to any of this, you can relate, and maybe this is giving you a a-ha moment. If you don’t believe that there is more than just this physical human experience, and that is certainly is your prerogative and one I respect, I hope you have stopped reading and closed this web page a while back.
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I could recount other episodes and the stories behind the panic attacks, but it is now time to move onto the helping part. Therefore, I shall now begin to summarize and list all the tools that have helped me through this healing/release process. A process that I really feel I’m at the end of, but which started almost thirty years ago, triggered by a difficult first divorce, and intensifying and picking up speed with the second. As they say, if you don’t listen to the whispers, you have to deal with the screams. And boy, are those loud and shrieky!
I plan to list them all, by and by, because you never know which one might help someone else.
But first things first. Here is what helps me get through a panic/anxiety attack. I am assuming that you recognize them as such and can tell the difference between the physical haywire caused by a panic attack and some other type of physical symptoms that need medical attention. They stem from the same cause, but need to be addressed differently. In the first case, I hope these tools will help. If the second, please call an ambulance. It is your responsibility to know yourself and what’s what.
Here goes:
- The only don’t: DON’T ignore it, shove it under the rug or attempt to distract from it with social media, tv etc. and especially not with extremes like alcohol, drugs, medications et such. I hope you know that. I have never done the extremes, but I have used the soft options (social media, tv etc). Whatever is trying to come up and out had already been ignored once. It will not help to ignore it again. In the moment you might be tempted to run from it, because it feels awful, but as soon as you can, please go to the step below this one.
- As soon as you feel able, talk to your body, ask it what this is and listen. See what comes up and trust it. Journal, make notes.
- Do breath work: breathe deeply in cycles of 6-3-9. That is, breathe in slowly on a count of 6, hold for 3, and release slowly on a count of 9. Focusing on this, besides oxygenating your system, gives your mind something to do without escaping.
- Grounding is very important: one quick technique I was reminded of just the other day (thank you, Michelle) is to place your hands on your heart like angel wings and focus on your breathing and how it flows and feels within your body. Then visualize a big grounding cord running from your root chakra down to the core of the Earth and anchor there. Then visualize yourself enveloped within a big shaft of light going from the core of Source to that same core of the Earth, always breathing deeply. This is a simple way to begin, and I have found that it helps me a lot.
- Massage and pull on your fingers, especially the small, ring and medium fingers of the left hand as that’s where the heart meridians end. This will stimulate a better energy flow.
- Drink water. Maybe even put a tiny pinch of sea salt in it.
- Hum, chant, tone, sing, let that vibration soothe your stomach/solar plexus, which is where I find the fear is located.
- Hug a pillow or a stuffed toy animal for comfort.
- Cry, scream and shout if you can.
- Smell a favorite essential oil. I’ve been using Tuberose lately, but it is really your choice. Lavender is very soothing. Just make sure it is a natural (and preferably, organic) essential oil.
- Grab some colored pencils, or brush and paints, and doodle. This will help physically discharge the energies.
- Take some flower essences like Rescue Remedy or similar at regular intervals. I have been carrying a spray bottle of it in my handbag for years. I also have one downstairs in the kitchen and one in the drawer of my night stand.
- CBD (hemp) oil also helps quite a lot, and has no negative side effects that I am aware of or experienced. Make sure to find the right one for you. I have discovered that not all CBD/hemp oils work for everyone in the same way. The right one will relax your nervous system within minutes while keeping your mind and body absolutely clear.
- If you have energy mists, use them. They work on the subtle bodies and help a lot, at least they do me.
- If you can, go outside and put your bare feet on the earth, grass or sand (very grounding).
- If you are up for it, a foot bath with sea salt helps ground you as well as discharge the dense energies.
- If you have a balanced, grounded friend who will stay calm and knows how to talk you through it, call them. You know who that friend can be. You will also intuitively know who not to call. Sometimes it is just enough to have someone be present, hold space for you, let you know that you are not alone.
Essentially, I have found that anything that engages my physical senses helps ground me and helps release the energy. Except eating, because I usually also feel mildly nauseous during a panic attack.
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I am listing all these techniques that have helped me even if they seem like many as, in the moment, it will be a miracle if you can remember even just one or two of them because, when the episode hits, you are in a spin and totally scared. I will add more if and when I can remember more, or learn more. Those of you who have had experience with panic attacks might even have learned other helpful tools and techniques. If they have worked for you personally, please feel free to share them in the comments, as they might help others as well as me. If you have only read or heard about them or they are someone else’s recommendations, please abstain.
By the way, once the panic/anxiety attack passes, I usually feel exhausted, yet I try to keep myself awake out of a sense of vulnerability. Eventually though, I become so tired and drowsy that I am able to let go and finally sleep.
It is now time to pause and bring this first post to a close. All that I have written is so long (20 pages total, and not yet done) that it would be overwhelming for you to read and take in all of it in one, and even for me to write while keeping things straight in my mind about what I have already shared and what else is to come. That is why I started with the most urgent-here-and-now point: how to get through a panic attack. Once that is taken care of, we can delve into the what, why, when and where and all that fun deep stuff, but calming the attack comes first.
I shall continue in the next post, which I will publish at some point in the next couple of weeks. I haven’t lately, as I have not posted all that much, but in this case I think I will send out a “new post” e-mail, so those of you who are interested can be notified right away when I post and not have to wait until next month’s newsletter.
In the meantime, I send you all so much love, light, and blessings. And if you are going through rough waters, keep going, and know that you are not alone.
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Part 2 of this Self Care series: Techniques That Help Heal the Deep Stuff
Part 3 of this Self Care series: Simple Tools to Support the Healing Energy Work
Part 4 in this Self Care series: Self Care, Part 4: Observation, Softening, Integration & Release
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If you enjoyed this post, you might like to peruse more in the Healthy Living section, or maybe some of my personal stories, which you will find by clicking on the relevant images below.
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